_notking chapter 2

 

1 Year Later…

Where should I start?

Sometimes I like to live in my memories. A dream of what could be. But fear creeps in knowing how we have changed and things of the past cease to exist. The memories are starting to become more blurred and fragmented. I wake up to with a crushing weight, making me feel numb and lost. Some things in life just leave a deeper scar than others.

Waking to the sunset. Damn I am sick of being sad. I ran away hoping to get a fresh start, but I guess it takes more than being a couple 100 miles away to get you off my mind. Most days I’m fine but there are days like these where I wake up from a dream of you and me. I take these days slow because I don’t want to do something stupid like call you up and tell you I miss you when I know you are moving on. And so am I, I just need more time, I guess.

Here I am getting older, but I don’t have a clue what I want to do. I’m just aimlessly following the path in front of me not sure where it will lead me.

  

_notking Chapter 1

After The Fall

A spiral of consecutive moments lead to the end. Here I lie broken, nowhere to go, who am I? I wonder. I still have dreams of her, the first time I saw her, my angel of death. Not so long ago I was living in a kingdom high above the world. I refused to see the world for what it is. I force myself to get up, but I feel weak and hopeless. I look at myself in the mirror and feel like throwing up. Time will heal my soul like everyone else with a heavy heart I tell myself. I walk around the house without a clue of what to do next.

Work piled up from all the days I refused to live, death was an option but not the right one. What’s next I keep asking myself, how do I get past this? I have no appetite to eat but I force myself. Sleepless nights crying has made me feel horrible physically. How far down have I fallen; I laugh with tears at the brim of my eyes. I used to be a king but that wasn’t me. I was living a lie and now reality has caught up.

The world keeps moving and waits for no one. I look down from the rooftop while smoking a cigarette. I have been trying to quit but I keep coming back when things get rough. I look down at people moving about, living life and I don’t have a clue what they are going through like they don’t know what I am going through. Then I look up at the sky and see the birds flying so freely and I wonder maybe in another life I want to be a bird. Tomorrow will be better and the day after maybe even so.

I just need to keep pushing and trying and things will work out. The guilt of the wrong I had done will be a thing of the past and so will she. Just a memory, a face in my mind that will linger but we can never go back knowing it’s for the best. I scream my lungs out and smile, she was good to me but not meant for me. I say a little prayer wishing her the best in life as the wind blows by and carries it away.

I do a few stretches and feel a bit better knowing that even if it ended it was love. I take a glance at the birds one last time before heading back in. It's time to take it a step at a time and fight my demons.

 

 

_notking Prologue

When I was younger, I believe in fairy tales and hoped that one day I would be someone's prince charming, but time has taught me how we bleed out our hearts to a point where we realize fairy tales aren't meant for everyone. And this is me hoping that I didn't ruin it all for you. Let's just say I'm tearing down that invisible wall I built over the years. I am going to take it slow this time and make sure to be more considerate and I won't pretend to be someone I'm not. The last chapter had a messy ending but now it’s time move on to the next. I will fill these blank pages with new stories over time. No matter where I go, this life is too short to live with regrets. So, breathe it all in and get ready to go out there like it's the last time. I'm not a king, I don't really know who I am, but I am ok with that.

No Stranger

I have traveled through space and time. Here I am twenty-two years old. And life just feels amazing. I  am living life like I want to and yeah sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts but nothing I can't overcome. I have experienced falling in love and had my heart broken too. I have also hurt people who love me when I could have avoided it. Yes, I am no saint but we learn from our mistakes to move on and cherish the things that matter. There are nights I drink too much that my friends have to carry me home. I wake up to worst hangovers but damn I always say it was worth it. Because I only drink like a fool when I am having fun and with people, I care about. Dancing through the night and laughing at all the stupid stuff we do and with no worry in the world. Making those memories that we can look back to when we are feeling low and we know that there are some good days and some bad.

So take it easy and stop overthinking about things that out of your control. Live in the moment. Don't let the past hold you back. Just be true to yourself because at the end of the day that's all that matters. Your mind is at peace and you are happy. And even if you wake up to a bad day tomorrow you know you are no stranger to yourself. 

Worlds Apart.

We are worlds apart. Trying to make sense of what we have become. Bridges to cross and mountains to climb. We were young and full of dreams. Looking at the world from a point that made us feel invincible. Growing up is hard and frustrating. Looking back at those younger days. And now here we are a little older and a little wiser and yet if I had a chance to go back I would not change a thing. Everything that happened was a beautiful memory and damn it was awesome.

I sometimes find myself thinking of those days and grinning at the thought of all the stupid things we did. Not a worry in the world. Just living in the moment. There are scars that run deep and close to my heart but there is nothing to hide. As time passed wounds heals even the scars slowly fade away and became a thing of the past. We took a leap in faith and the hope and strength of a better tomorrow are what keeps us going. Somewhere along the way, we saw something no one else did and we stuck to it. The bigger picture. Believing in something, no hesitation or doubt just a feeling so strong. Whatever it was we always found a way back to it.

And there are nights we wake up full of fear that we don't know what we are suppose to do. But we have traveled hard and far to get to where we are. Pushing ourselves forward, one step at a time. We are stronger and no fear we can't fight. Seeing ourselves in a brighter light when no one else does. 

The Architect

I have always been the type of person who wanted quick results and that is not always the best thing. Sometimes you need to be patient and take it slow and commit to the cause. We tend to forget what we are trying to achieve when are so blindsided by our lack of perseverance. Giving up too soon when we could have made it if we had just hustled a little longer. Take away the happiness factor and then we seem to hate it. Forgetting why we even started it off in the first place. In moments like this, we need to look back and recall why we are doing what we are.

Look at the bigger picture and remember you are the architect and only you can choose how to design the structure of your life. It's simple yet complicated. How do we take the steps and calculate when we don't even know what the end product should look like? So first thing first, try projecting your end goal it doesn't have to be precise you just need a rough idea of what you want and the rest will follow. Take some time to do that. Jumping into something without a plan usually backfires. What I like to do is write it down and make steps or pointers so I know I am on the right track. And of course, there are some unforeseen factors that may come along.  You might feel down and low but that's where you adapt and learn. For me, one of the best parts of life is the triumph over struggles. Innovate and experiment because we are still young, so don't let a few setbacks make you feel like it's the end. Cherish the worst of times as you do the best of times because you end up learning more from them and you tend to see how strong you really are. You are the main character of your life and you always come out STRONGER.

Outside The Safe Zone Into The Abyss(Don't be afraid)

There will be a point in life when you have to make decisions that you are not going to be happy to make. But this is a change that you know will be good for you in the long run. You keep asking yourself how do you make it? Well, I have been contemplating for a long time when this day would come. And I know it's gonna a rough couple of months to follow letting go of something that you love but you know that it's not working out. Some people are so afraid to stop doing something because they believe that they are giving up on their dreams and maybe a past. We don't realize how holding on to something which is not meant to be for so long just makes it toxic and you end up hating it. So I believe when the time is right and you have that gut feeling that it's time to move on to a new chapter. It's time to try to step out of your comfort zone and just go for it. Because you will never know what really makes you happy until you try it. And it may take week, months or even years but the thing about life is you have the ability to do what you want if you are not afraid to. I recently went to an amusement park with my siblings and to be honest I was not the most enthusiastic about it but there I was having the time of my life. It was my first time on a rollercoaster and damn I was shitting my pants even before it started. To my surprise it was amazing, screaming my lungs out just felt so good. My mind was just clear for a while I didn't think of anything else in the world just felt the thrill of the moment. So what I am trying to say is you will never know how it feels like without giving it a try, don't be afraid to stand out or be different it's what makes us all special in our own way. What's life without a little experimentation and few losses and struggles. I'd say boring and you've not lived enough xD.