After The Fall
A spiral of
consecutive moments lead to the end. Here I lie broken, nowhere to go, who am
I? I wonder. I still have dreams of her, the first time I saw her, my angel of
death. Not so long ago I was living in a kingdom high above the world. I
refused to see the world for what it is. I force myself to get up, but I feel
weak and hopeless. I look at myself in the mirror and feel like throwing up.
Time will heal my soul like everyone else with a heavy heart I tell myself. I
walk around the house without a clue of what to do next.
Work piled up from
all the days I refused to live, death was an option but not the right one.
What’s next I keep asking myself, how do I get past this? I have no appetite to
eat but I force myself. Sleepless nights crying has made me feel horrible
physically. How far down have I fallen; I laugh with tears at the brim of my
eyes. I used to be a king but that wasn’t me. I was living a lie and now
reality has caught up.
The world keeps
moving and waits for no one. I look down from the rooftop while smoking a
cigarette. I have been trying to quit but I keep coming back when things get
rough. I look down at people moving about, living life and I don’t have a clue
what they are going through like they don’t know what I am going through. Then
I look up at the sky and see the birds flying so freely and I wonder maybe in
another life I want to be a bird. Tomorrow will be better and the day after maybe
even so.
I just need to keep
pushing and trying and things will work out. The guilt of the wrong I had done
will be a thing of the past and so will she. Just a memory, a face in my mind
that will linger but we can never go back knowing it’s for the best. I scream
my lungs out and smile, she was good to me but not meant for me. I say a little
prayer wishing her the best in life as the wind blows by and carries it away.
I do a few stretches
and feel a bit better knowing that even if it ended it was love. I take a
glance at the birds one last time before heading back in. It's time to take it a
step at a time and fight my demons.
